Life Finds a Way
Updated: May 27, 2020
I was ashamed of who I am for so long.
Numerous circumstances played a part in this.
Growing up, it seemed like everyone around me was in some way repulsed by the idea of having a connection more than a friendship with someone of the same sex. Trapped in the masses of people and their homophobic comments. Everyone seemed to be dismissive of individuals that contrasted their norm. I think society conditioned me into believing that being anything but straight was wrong, that being who I am is wrong.
With my first, I was advised it was just a phase, rejecting all of the emotions I so courageously disclosed. I was drilled continuously to explore the opposite sex, to give it a chance as if it were that straightforward. I was conditioned into hiding that part of myself and to not act on it in front of others, especially family and friends.
With each relationship I was in, I had to conceal who I am and what we were from their family. Like what we were doing and who we were was offensive or hurting someone. It’s so damaging to have to sacrifice our authenticity to amuse the majority.
It’s disheartening to thrive for things that others take for granted, something as simple as holding hands in public without getting the side eye from the community. To not fear repercussions for expressing yourself in a public manner, or having to modify how you dress and speak to please those more accepted by society.
It’s challenging to suppress who you are for so long. It’s exhausting to feel lost and invisible. It can be easy to get trapped in an abyss of self-doubt, hate, and loneliness. Acceptance starts within and I needed to determine that I’m worth it, and in turn I realized that we are all worth it, worth things that are human nature.
For so long I was ashamed of who I am, but I can now say that I am queer and unapologetic about it.